Kahlua's Last Stand

Kahlua is refusing food again. When she goes outside, she just lays in my flowerbed. She is weak and so, so skinny, bones jutting out in all directions. She looks at me often with such a look of deep sadness and confusion in her eyes, as if trying to understand why she feels like crap, why she can't run around with the other dogs without coughing.

But then, she'll perk up, wolf down a whole plate of pancakes (her favorite) jump around, and bark excitedly at me. Dying is such an up and down process.

A friend of mine and I were talking today about how similar it is watching an animal die as it is watching a person going through the stages of dying. It's up, then down, good days and bad. Two days ago, Kahlua devoured pancakes, bacon, and eggs left over from breakfast. Today, she hardly ate half a hot dog, turning her nose up at the last couple bites distastefully.

Last night, 3:12 a.m., I awoke to horrible hacking cough out in the hallway. The cough is increasing in frequency and severity. And she can't weigh more than 25 pounds now -- every calorie she takes in going to feed the tumors.

11 years, 4 months, 17 days....