It's been a long time comin'

but it's well worth the wait...or maybe not.

Chris is getting ready to leave for Italy. I'm relieved. I like having the house to myself, even though things are chaotic here. I want a new life. I do not want what I have. How does this happen? Suddenly I'm stuck in suburbia with the 2.5 kids, two cars, the mortgage, the career...how did I get here? Like the Talking Heads song, letting the days go by...

I think often of getting in my truck and driving and not coming back for a long time. I think of the question I often used to pose to smokers at the bedside counseling session: if money and other things holding you back were not an issue, what would you do? If money were not an issue, I would be divorced. I would build a cabin in the woods in a place where stars burn brighter than neon, where the smell of pine and cedar wafts through the breeze singing down the mountains, where trout and salmon jump, where I could have my kennel and raise my kids without fear.

My 3 year old will not go to bed. She is singing next to me on the couch as I type, a song about going to sleep with the stars and the moon. She tells the stars, "I love you, good night, friends, good night."