Monday, January 21, 2008

Situations have ended sad, Relationships have all been bad...Bob Dylan

Force is dead

Dog fights, torn foot pads, a broken shoulder, withdrawing from races, and now, no Alaska.

This is what Force gets.

I left Frank Teasley's little musher's cabin in Wyoming in 1998, pregnant with Sophie, temporarily abandoning my dreams of running dogs but swearing I would find my way back to dogs. When I made up my mind in the last year and a half to get back into it, I became too impatient. And I have suffered the consequences.

Like Andrew Marvell, “at my back I always hear/ Time's winged chariot hurrying near.” But fighting to race time is not graceful, and it’s proven that attempts to make much of time are worthless. Time indifferently marches on.

It's hard to be graceful sometimes. It's hard to see yourself as forceful. But I have been. And the universe has shown me what being forceful and impatient gets. By being forceful and impatient, I've set myself back.

Situations recently have turned bad. My eyes are open now. And now I have an opportunity to start over again.

I have learned an enormous amount, not only from job let-downs two years in a row, but about myself, men, trust, my marriage and my own weaknesses. I needed some time to put things into perspective, and now I’m ready to get up, dust myself off, and get back on the runners!

We're heading back to the U.P. in a few weeks. Stay tuned!

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