Sunday, August 30, 2009

Update: day 10

At this moment, I cannot imagine having my body back again. It feels so decrepit and old, withered and spent. I cannot imagine walking ¼ mile, much less racing dogs up and down hilly, snowy terrain.

Today, I waited. I waited for food to come, and promptly gagged when it did. I waited for sleep to come and didn’t want to wake up. I’m waiting to live again.

Spent a long time crying again today. My kidneys continue to dysfunction. I thought about the other day when my breathing crashed. Vulnerable, in huge amounts of pain, a big man came to place electrodes all over my body for an EKG, flopping private parts of my body this way and that. And there was nothing I could do but lay there, prone.

Modern medicine renders us helpless.

How do you move forward when something this unexpected happens, with 9 dogs and two kids at home to care for? I’m terrified of the thought of going home. But if these kidneys don’t turn around real soon, I won’t be going home tomorrow – or anytime soon.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Shannon, I've thought about you everyday while I've been out of town. I can't stand what's happening to you.

    How can I be of help?

    You are constantly in my prayers. I was telling my husband about you on the way back today from our trip up north. I wish I had words of encouragement, but I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through. You are SO not alone; I know there is so much love around you. And I agree that modern medicine certainly leaves a person powerless. Does the hospital offer any alternative care options?

    Do you feel up to reading at all? If so, I would like to send you a book that helped me through one of my darkest hours. Send me the name of the hospital where you're staying or whatever address I can reach you.

    You can make, Shannon.

    Sending healing thoughts . . .



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