Thursday, October 29, 2009

Side note #2

Wedding day, September 12, 2003

Sometimes, I only get the clarity and perspective I need to write about where I come from when I am away from it. In those quiet moments, distance gives birth to a new perspective.

Somehow, every time I leave, I hope to return and keep that new-found perspective. But it always seems to fade and the reality of life takes over. Luckily, I scribbled some notes during my recent training trip to Michigan.

I remember his sensitive ears - a musician's ears. I remember watching him on stage playing, his long fingers tapping out a string of alluring notes, watching his body sway soulfully in rhythm with the notes. I was enamored. I remember, drunk on love, pulling a dirty bouquet of fake flowers out of a flower bed outside of the nightclub he played in that night in November. And I told him I wanted to marry him.

I wanted that more than anything then and I was in love with him for his passion and his strength and his creativity and ambitions.

Now, I am in love with a memory.

Maybe it's wrong to put all this out there so publicly.

But so many people don't acknowledge that....marriage is hard.

We're in limbo. Sleepless nights give way to restless days, not knowing which direction to turn. I can only hold on to that memory so long.

1 comment:

  1. I understand what you mean. We too are in flux. As often as an hour it goes from ok to definitely not ok. I'm usually an optimist but I'm trying to not be Pollyanna. Meaning: I'm trying to see the reality and not the dreams I had.


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