Thursday, July 22, 2010

"Does it have to be so hard?"

Crappy things have a way of happening all at once. They can't stagger themselves. Nope. They have to come like a rain storm, hence the phrase "when it rains, it pours."

There's been some frustration lately, and it’s been all at once. Silly things like,

1) Our dryer has the wrong electrical plug for the outlet on the wall so I’ve been going to laundromats with crazy men in them. No joke. I spent an hour and a half in a Laundromat in Lake Milton last week with a man who would not shut up and admitted several times he was on disability for mental health issues. He talked a mile a minute and often of shooting people. Lovely.

2) My tractor needs a new tire, and I drove to three different places today looking for a Carlisle 20x10 - 00.9 tire, and no place had it! Driving to three different places is synonymous with driving significant miles now because we live in the sticks. Frustrating.

3) I don't have an oven, because apparently there is not an easy way to get a propane adapter connection to the oven. And I love baking. And I'm not even entirely sure what to do to order the part, so I feel stuck. And I don't take kindly to feeling stuck.

And a host of other gripes I won't bore you with.

But I started spiraling today. Nothing has been easy on this move, and it's been downright less than welcoming beginning with Bob's dying the day we moved in. I found myself today looking up at an overcast, humid sky (which is another thing that's been less than stellar - the 90 degree temps!) pleading with God.

"Does it have to be so hard?"

And then I received an email from my good friend Jodi Bailey in Alaska. In her usual zen-like peaceful manner, she told me this story:

"One year on the Quest there was bad, bad overflow after Braeburn on the way to the finish: up to your hips, dogs swimming, total mess. Anyhow Michelle Phillips (*as she tells it) is standing up to her waist leading a team through a few yards of this, second section of it. And she stops in the middle and yells up to the sky "Does it have to be so f'ing hard!" And even though I may have the last words wrong, the image sticks in my brain, as the ultimate illustration of that feeling :)

I know I have said this before, but find peace in the knowledge that things are unfolding exactly as they should, despite my cosmic inability to make sense of it."

Thank you, Jodi, for reminding me that it's just a ride. And to enjoy the ride :)

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